OCD, anyone?

If your kitchen is just driving you crazy and seems a mess, I have a quick fix. It sounds crazy, but I am always amazed at what a pick me up it is when I clear off my fridge! I should've taken a before picture! Our fridge gets so cluttery (no, I don't think that's a word). My fridge is the infamous part of our house where all of our reminders and notes end up. My garage door is magnetic and is nearby so that is where some of these notes and kid's artwork landed. You may have a pantry door where you could put some stuff on the inside of it. I even have a friend that uses the inside of her cabinet doors to hang such stuff.

Now, I still had these pesky (BUT still wonderful and loved by my kids) magnets that end up all over the floor and all over the fridge.  The letters REALLY hurt when you step on them barefoot!  I took painter's tape (all I could find) and made a rectangle to corral all of our magnets. We have a couple other noisy magnet things, but I thought I would trade them out when my girls were tired of these. For the last couple days, it is actually working! They are putting them back in the magnet "home"! No more fishing magnets out from under the fridge, in the fridge, or all over the floor!

Am I pushing the OCD card? Probably. However, I have decided that OCD is no longer obsessive compulsive disorder. Once you have kids, you can claim OCD as Organizing my Children's Disasters! (That's pretty clever, huh!? It's bad when I am impressed with my own randomness!) Regardless, I've learned through working in the field of education...there is an acronym for everything (think in school: EBD, IEP, OI, OT, EIP, and so on). Everything sounds important and official if you give it an acronym! So, I am going to show my OCD fridge off with pride!8)

Maybe my fridge is my version of the flylady's shiny sink...maybe I'm a little crazy...but my cleared off fridge has made me really, really happy. Who knows, it may work for you! AND, who would've thought a taped rectangle would control the magnet chaos in our world? Hmm...where else can I put taped boundaries for my kids' messes?! Wouldn't hurt to try clearing off your fridge. It even inspired me to clean the rest of my kitchen! That is amazing in and of itself!


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Save Time & Tears! Morning & Bedtime Routines with Picture Cards

Did I mention our crazy morning the other day? That might have something to do with my latest inspiration! No, I have been planning on doing this for a long time. It's probably long overdue! We utilized picture cards a lot in the classroom. It was especially helpful with special needs children to establish routines. See, I knew that time in Special Education classes would pay off one day...just didn't think it would be with my OWN children! I think routines are essential to keep the chaos away! Now, how do you convince a toddler and a preschooler of that? Usually, I would say over and over...we need to do this, did you do that? Hopefully, this is where my nifty morning and bedtime routines will kick in!

I tried to keep it short and simple. By the way, you can't just post them up (even if it is the same thing you do every morning and evening) and think it's going to work. It takes some "home training" as my husband calls it. My girls were so thrilled with the cards...little things make them so excited. If you would like a copy of the documents, just email me and I'll be glad to send it. Then, you can alter them as you need for your children. I did it using Word 2007, I think... See, I'm not tech savvy...so simple was best for me anyway!

This is what you need. Printer, Computer (unless you want to just draw it), glue, scissors, ribbon, glue gun, laminator or pages from photo album. I started to laminate the picture cards. Then, I opted for the pages in the photo album so I could simply slide a different card in and out if our routine changed. I'm all about using what you have and not buying anything extra. If you don't have something, try to be creative!

Cut the photo album pages so you have individual pockets. I printed the pictures out on cardstock and matted them on black cardstock to make them extra sturdy.

Why is it always the last one that gives you trouble?! I'm not a "pre-measurer"! I'm a guesser, and I just sized and cut the cards by guessing what size. You may want to measure to be sure. I didn't have any problems until the last card. I had to cut a bit of the black mat off to get it to fit. You can't notice though!

Okay, this is where I skip steps because my kids were up. I had to work fast to get finished, and I forgot to take pictures. It's simple though! I used ribbon to make a loop at the top and added a sun (made from cardstock) to indicate morning routine. Next, I used a 2 inch piece of ribbon on both sides of the top of the cards to attach them together. I used hot glue on the ribbon to the photo sleeve.

There are other ways to create a routine chart. You could have a flip chart where they are attached by a ring. They would flip the card over once they have completed that task in order to do the next one. I think this would be good with older children. My girls are still young and needed to see start to finish. You could also try a checklist. I had one of these on the dash of my car when I was in high school (so I would remember stuff I needed for school and afterschool activities) thanks to my mom. I thought it was corny...and I would have never admitted it then, but it was actually handy!

Last, I hung them up on each sides of the girls' bathroom mirror. Now, they can follow their routine with visual reminders. Do you know how difficult it was to take a picture without me being in the reflection?! Pretty tricky!

This is the evening routine on the opposite side of the mirror.

Now, on to the rest of the stuff that I keep meaning to do...

Mama New Year's Resolution...#2 and #3

My second Mama NYR is to reduce the time that I spend on the computer and on the phone. Now, my friends would probably laugh at this stamement because I am hard to catch on the phone, and I rarely check messages. However, how many times do I have to say, "not now mommy is on the phone or working on the computer"? The only time I do talk is usually in the car. My girls will be watching a dvd in the car or listening to music while I have a precious quiet moment to talk on the phone. I need to work on a balance. I hope to work on incorporating my girls into my phone and computer time rather than letting these two wonderful pieces of technology take precious time away from my two even more wonderful girls!

My third Mama NYR is to make sure my girls watch less television. Television is such a time trap, but less face it...it can be a great distraction for your kids when you are desperately trying to get something accomplished! I was one of those when I first had LaLa that said I would NEVER, EVER let her watch anything but educational things! Does PBS Sprout count as educational? I also tend to leave the television on as background throughout the day...I need to be more creative, huh?

Check back tomorrow for my last two Mama New Year Resolutions! Next week, I will be posting our fun New Year Activities...yummy 2010 pancakes, my edible hat...umm...experiment in the works, and more! Enjoy your New Year's Eve!

Mama Drama Rule #96: Use New Years as an opportunity to look back and figure out what worked and didn't work. Then, begin an entire new year ready to start over...better, smarter, and refreshed!

Mama New Year's Resolutions...#1

My Mama New Year's Resolutions....

the new year's resolutions that I made to be a better parent...a better mommy...in 2010.

My first, Mama New Year Resolution (NYR) is to focus on what's important. The little distractions in life that takes my attention or create anxiety are not where I should have my focus. 

What's important to me, as a parent?

My relationship with God, my husband, my children, my family and my friends...in that order. If it gets out of order, it can often result in a domino effect.

Now, when I'm fretting over something else, I hope to be reminded that...it's not where my focus is suppose to be in 2010!

Check back the next few days to see my other Mama New Year's Resolutions...

Mama Drama Rule #95: New Year's Resolutions must change in your heart and your mind!Otherwise, they become worthless!

I'm so FULL of THANKS!

My kids drive me crazy at times. I am often so sleepy because one of my kids will wake up in the middle of the night or really, really early. I have this annoying habit of not being able to turn my brain off at night when I get started on a project...which also leads to a really tired mama. I lose my patience at times. My house gets messy. I often start ten projects all at once. I choose an extra fifteen minutes of sleep over a shower at times. I fall asleep before I finish my prayers sometimes. I forget to tell my kids, husband, family, and friends how wonderful they are to me at times. I am not a good phone person. I get completely distracted after talking for five minutes. I only check phone messages every week...or so (which tends to drive my family and friends crazy). I'm not very good in emergencies. I often wonder if I am making the right decisions from the small things as feeding my kids organic or not organic to big things like should I go back to work or continue to stay home. A lot of the times...there is no right or wrong answer. I completely stress over any confrontation or decision making.

Regardless of all of the different things where I know I fall short...

I look at these two precious girls...I mean really stop in the moment and look at my kids...and know that there is something that is absolutely wonderful in my world—my own piece of heaven from God, Himself. I may not be everything I want to be or do everything I should do, but I know that I am so blessed to be given the opportunity to be their mama.

My heart is so full of thanks...to God...for these two girls.

This Thanksgiving, when I am trying to cook and maneuver all the food and preparations for our families, I will try my hardest to step back from the chaos and the expectations...and be in the moment with a heart full of thanks to God. I know I fall short. I know I do not deserve this position, but I am blessed to be given the opportunity....to be called MAMA by LaLa and Little Bit.

Mama Drama Rule #77: Take a moment to realize just what an incredible honor it is to be called...mama.

Encouraging Kid's to Have a Giving Heart

Encouraging our kid's to be giving and have a kind heart is my husbands and my new goals. I'm sure you are thinking...Oh, Tammy, that's easy. My kid is so kind and thoughtful. Let me just tell you...I said the exact same thing. Now, try testing your theory. We tried to think of some ways to really reinforce having a giving heart to our girls. One way, we decided upon was to participate in Operation Christmas Child. I thought this was right on their level, especially LaLas! We would give her 8-10 dollars and go shopping for items that this little child may need, write a note, draw a picture, wrap it, take it to donate, and a great lesson learned! Aw, I should know better!

Then, I realized that my husband and I often give. We volunteer in various things. We always adopt a family at Christmas or donate food to the local food pantry, BUT what we don't do is involve our kids. They have been spectators. I guess I can get partial credit for at least setting an example; however, I can see where it failed them to have the opportunity to participate and learn by doing. I just thought they were too little, but if I would've started with these concepts with LaLa at Little Bit's age, I think she would grasp it all a little better.

My husband and I did our research and collected pamphlets and such and sat down with the girls. I believe Little Bit was chewing on her sleeve so I'm not so sure how much it really impacted her! LaLa was all ears though. I thought we explained it all so well. We even showed the pictures! The children look so pitiful and then so happy when they get their boxes! Nope. She said, "That's okay, mama, I'll just buy my family gifts. I want to get my sister something and my friends...and the list went on." We tried to redirect the conversation, but she just didn't grasp it. It's our work in progress. Hopefully, the more we talk about it, the more she will understand and be on board!

She just cannot fathom that people do not have stuff like she does. Is this normal? Have we spoiled our little ones? She shares well. She loves openly. Does she give....well, not if it's hers! That brings me to the next issue! We tried recently to emphasize that we have a lot of toys...especially stuffed animals! We explained that some kids don't have toys, and our neighborhood was doing a collection for a charity. Why don't we choose 2-3 toys each that we don't play with to give to a little boy or girl that doesn't have toys? You would have thought that we were trying to take her dog away from the child! She said among sobs, "no, their mommy can buy them a toy." After further discussion with her daddy on the topic, she was trying to debate why people were mean to these kids and they weren't given toys. We, honestly, gave up and secretly did it when they were sleeping!

What do you do? I don't remember this in any of my education or psychology classes! I'm at a loss, and again, I'm just accepting that it's something we have to work at. I know she has a kind, giving heart, but I am learning that it's on her terms, which is something we have to improve! I'm learning that we should have made giving a participating activity rather than a spectator sport for the kids. I'm learning that we probably should have started these concepts earlier! We did make some progress today. Our local food pantry was broken into, and absolutely everything was taken. She seemed to somewhat understand and picked a few things to donate from our stockpile. I was feeling giddy over this improvement...just as my husband pointed out that she didn't have a problem donating our stuff to people in need...just not her stuff. Good point, but progress is progress with a three year old!

Mama Drama Rule #63: Be careful not to make giving in your family a spectator sport. It's great to teach from example, but your kids can learn so much, especially when the reward is something intrinsic, when they are active participants!

If you are looking for ways to get your children involved in getting, let me share with you these great ideas!

(If you're local) Food Pantry in Henry County (There are food pantries in almost every county. I'm sure with our current economy and during this time of year, they could benefit from your giving. Use your "extras" or your overages if you use coupons! It's a great way to donate and give if you currently have a tight budget yourself!) http://helpinginhisname.org/index.php

Operation Christmas Child http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/OCC/

Toys for Tots http://www.toysfortots.org/donate/toys.asp

I'm learning that even the little things help such as making a card for someone sick or letting them help when you make a family dinner after an illness or a new baby. I'm also learning that small children are very literal and concrete with their thinking!

Encourage a Preschooler's Creativity?

Now, just how far is a mama to encourage a child's creativity? One can read a multitude of research that discusses the negative effects of suppressing a child's creativity and imagination, but when you are faced with the dilemma of letting your three year old leave the house like this...would insisting she change and not look like an escaped crazy person be the definition of suppressing her creativity and independence?

We battle regularly...well, over everything between the real world and the world of LaLa. Now, my husband and I are going to a kingdom family class on parenting...which is wonderful and informative, and from what I understand...you should not battle over anything, but your word as a parent should just be the way it is. Now, this is wonderful theoretically, but it's the reality of that fact that made my husband and I simultaneously glance at each other when we heard this in class. Surely, other parents of creative, independent (or stubborn...according to how you look at it!), and testing preschoolers know what I am talking about!

Our biggest battles are self-control, going and staying in HER bed & sleeping in general, being quick to obey (I find myself saying it over and over.), and exerting her independence--such as picking a snack, dressing herself, or getting in the carseat. I love her new found independence, but they often take SO long. Honestly, I need more patience, and we are often running late to wherever we need to be...which seems to make her move even slower when she knows this fact!

So, with this battle in particular of letting her pick out what she was going to wear today...and yes, I did the whole thing of pick between these two outfits and allowed her to have input. Then, as I was packing the bags and dressing Little Bit...and THINKING LaLa was getting dressed herself...this is the way she comes downstairs ready to be on our way. At this point, I think I just laugh, try not to make eye contact with strangers while we are out, and thank God that her preschool does have uniforms--at least the people she goes to school with won't see this side of her!

Mama Drama Rule #61: Realize that the classes and the books have great suggestions. Some of those ideas and concepts will work most of the time for most children, but be prepared to say that those books, that class, and that research....JUST HAS NOT EVER MET MY CHILD! Then, throw out the books for the moment, and do your best!

Where Has the Time Gone?

My mama drama for today is the overwhelming job of changing closets out for seasons and for sizes! Who would think that this simple, yet HUGE, chore would be a complete and total emotional one? Well, it certainly is for me!

Yes, it is October, and I am just now clearing out the closets. My excuse is the crazy weather down here in the South. We have still had some absolutely beautiful, summer like days...even in October! It's hard to know what to expect from the weather. Thus, I continued to give myself the excuse of putting off this dreaded task.

Then, I begun going through Little Bit's closet and taking out everything that doesn't fit and all of her summer clothes. I am still in the phase of boxing everything up....either for my friend, Pepper, to peruse through later for her little one or for a potential future baby of our own. Then, I think...oh, wow, three girls...oh, the high maintenance of it all-the weddings, the school, the colleges, the prom dresses, the drama!

As I am clearing out Little Bit's closets and drawers, my kids are running around like wild animals. What I put in the tubs...they take out. What I fold...they unfold. Well, you get the idea. Yet, I still am feeling near tears as I fold up each and every piece of baby clothing from Little Bit. We are entering into 18 month sizes...not even a baby anymore. All these little shorts and tops, the little jammies...I fold each one and can remember her (and even LaLa in some of the ones that were handed down!) wearing them.

It's not that you don't want them to grow up. They bring so much joy and excitement with each day and milestone that passes, but it is so sad to feel like time is going faster than you can keep up with. The feeling that you have blinked and missed so much. The feeling that it's gone by so fast that you didn't get to cherish it like you should have. That your babies are growing up faster than you can grasp onto.

Yes, I am being completely sappy over just folding some outgrown clothes. Then, I look over to my loud little monkeys...LaLa and Little Bit are pushing baby doll strollers as hard as they can into each other, they have manipulated one of the under the bed tubs that I emptied as a catapult for the dolls...and eventually LaLa tries out on Little Bit, LaLa tries to sit in her baby doll stroller so Little Bit can push her, and Little Bit has an open (washable, non-toxic) marker in her mouth-which I hide markers in our house like a squirrel with a nut..so I'm not sure how this one was discovered! As I'm soothing Little Bit after she's been flipped with the tub and a couple dolls, wiping marker off her mouth, and helping LaLa get her hiney unstuck from her baby doll stroller, my reminiscent moments only lasted for a few seconds. However, my heart was still tugged as I worked on this task even as my mind was telling my heart that I am completely crazy...I'm blessed I've survived this long with my two little ones!

Mama Drama Rule #55: Cherish each and every moment that you have with your children...grasp to every moment and keep your memories like small treasures. For me, I know the future holds as many wonderful memories as the past has when they were sweet babies...maybe this little task just helped me to remember to treasure the present ones a little more!

The Most Important Way to Spend Your Time

We all want to be organized. We all want to have a clean house. It would even be nice if we had clean clothes...better yet if they would be put away in their proper places. We need gas in our cars and groceries in our fridge. We have appointments and work. We have responsibilities and obligations. The list goes on...

Although that all has to be done day in and day out, more importantly, we have moments with our children. We have an opportunity to sit and play. We can listen to that silly joke or crazy story. We can create a neat project. We can build a fort. We can take a chance to teach something new or to share a memory. We can give a great big grizzly hug. We can give silly kisses. We can laugh and giggle.

Mamas have a to do list that would make most people's heads spin, but sometimes, we just have to stop...and tear up the list...and focus on what's important! AND only a mama knows just how important it is! Your list will still be there tomorrow. So, it's okay, if you have to eat out tonight or your house is a mess today, if you gave the time to your child. In the long run, they will remember what you did together...if you stopped to give them attention or a hug or say "I love you"...not if your house was immaculate and you served healthy dinners every night!

Mama Drama Rule #39: Play...genuinely and completely and wholeheartedly...with your children.

You can learn a lot about life from a triathlon!

I'm relieved to say...Robert amazingly accomplished his triathlon. He did it all in two short hours. He came out of that water jumping up and down and cheering and then ran on to the next phase. I think he was just as relieved that part was completed! As the swimmers got out of the water and ran to their transition spots, there were volunteers waiting to spray them with vinegar to take out the sting of all their jelly fish bites from the ocean. That was just one indication to me where I thought these people were committed and a tad bit crazy! That, and their bikes probably cost more than my car! It was interesting to watch to say the least.

I observed ten items from the triathlon that I believe us mamas can completely learn and associate with...

1. We often get "stung" by jellyfish and other creatures along the way that try to get us off our course. You have to just push them off, yell out at the sting, and keep going....at least until your feet touch again!

2. We can be the most anxious before we even start a daunting task! Starting is usually the hardest part...so, just remember to jump in, get your feet wet, and give it a good, dedicated try! You might be surprised at the results!

3. Utilize the people in our lives that are supporting us, cheering us on, giving us water to get through, or even spraying us with vinegar. We hear enough critiques in this world about what we are not doing and should be doing! Focus on the supporters!

4. Be a supporter! There are people out there with your same goals. They are running the race beside you. If we are one of the ones supporting and encouraging, you'll be amazed at how it will come back to you when you really need it!

5. Transition time is vital! We mamas know this first hand! Everything has to have a place and get put back in its place to eliminate serious time wasters! It's easier said than done, but it's every mamas goal!

6. Enjoy the moment because it will be over as fast as it started! As Hubby was riding his bike, he told us it was just incredible--the views, the excitement, the other racers. It would have been easy to dismiss these thoughts because he was so focused on finishing, but I think reflecting and enjoying these moments made it even more memorable! How often I do that as a mama?! I'm so focused on getting to practices and games that I miss the moments of my LaLa playing soccer and being a team! I'm so focused on Little Bit climbing into everything that I miss enjoying her inquisitive nature and the sneaky smile she sends me before she does it!

7. Some of these athletes' equipment was unbelievable, as well as their bodies! As you look around, you may notice people that look a little more equipped or better at the job. Don't let it intimidate you! You just do the best you can and keep training until you get better and better!

8. Keep hydrated! I would see all the athletes drinking bottles and bottles of water and eating these power bars. If I run myself too thin, I am not staying hydrated. Or, if I lose focus and my walk with God becomes on the back burner, I can feel myself getting dehydrated. Or, if Hubby and I are going to different directions, I can feel our relationship getting dehydrated. We have to focus some time on each other and re-communicate, and then we feel hydrated again.

9. Focus on the finish line. You can't get anywhere without a mission or a goal. I love the mamas that make a mission statement for their family. It seems like it would keep you focused! I love the concept of finish lines too! It makes me think of us being in this world working toward the race to our "heavenly" finish line...crossing it and God cheering for us...high fives and all!

10. CELEBRATE! This is my favorite! When you, your children, your hubby, or someone you love has accomplishments, tries a new adventure, or has done a good job, it's time to celebrate! The triathlon hosted a catered lunch that was amazing, live bands, free drinks, etc. They wanted the athletes and their families to be proud and relish in the experience. After, Robert and I went to lay by the pool. Celebrate!

I think it is the first time in over three years (since my three year old was born!) that I have had the opportunity to relax by the pool! I read, enjoyed the music, and treasured the time with Robert...which fell asleep by the pool after all he did! After several hours, we took naps, got dressed and went out to the Baytown Wharf. We had an incredible dinner with some friends and had to snatch our girls some treasures to bring back. Everything we saw or did, we both commented, "oh, our girls would like that!"

As we are packing up today and cleaning the condo, we are anxious to make the long drive and see our girls. We have random lists coming in our heads of all the activities and to do's of the week...as reality starts to set in. We are trying to soak up being able to leisurely walk around, the peace and the quiet, and God's majestic ocean. We both feel rejuvenated, closer, proud of this accomplishment, and able to go back home and be even better parents!

Mama Drama Rule #23: You treasure your life and your children more...when you have a little bit of time to spend away from them!

A Sincere Thank YOU!

LaLa has completed her very first soccer season. The teams are having a celebration Friday evening. Each child will receive a soccer trophy from the church's recreation league. Then, they continue to have a team celebration with pizza and cupcakes. The parents all went in together to present the children with gifts and the coach a gift. Can you imagine coaching eight little 3-5 year old children on how to master the concept of soccer?! He did a marvelous job with his encouragement and patience. Each child enjoyed himself and felt an included part of the team.

I ordered little cinch sport style back packs and embroidered the kids' names on them. They were from Oriental Trading Company, and they turned out really cute and sturdy, especially for the price! Then, I added little soccer whistles...making the grand total for the kids' gifts 25 dollars-a little more than 3 dollars per child. Then, Charlotte and I went on a hunt to find wonderful little "movie" items to add to his soccer bucket and his movie theater gift card. A mother of one of the children on the team is also adding a certificate for a free house cleaning from her business! I hope this coach really enjoys his gifts, and he knows that he made a positive difference in our children's lives!

Have you ever heard the statement, "It takes a village to raise a child"? Well, I have found in my three and a half years of being a mama that it is definitely a true statement! So many individuals impact the lives of our children. It is a huge responsibility as mamas to ensure that these individuals are impacting them in a positive way, and when we are blessed to have someone take their time and love to impact our children, we definitely need to let them know how much we appreciate it!

Concentrate on making your village a place of security and individuals that love and cherish your children! It is easy to take on that "super" mama role and try to do it all on your own. It's a lonely route! When I first became a mama, I thought a mama was suppose to be able to do everything for her child. I slowly realized the hard way that God designed raising a child to be a group effort! Of course, you have the biggest impact and responsibility, but treasure and utilize all the others that are a part of that village! Many of them have something valuable to share with your child(ren)!

Mama Drama Rule # 21: Consider the teachers, the lunchroom workers, grandparents, friends, relatives, church workers, etc. that make up our VILLAGE. Thank God for them, and remember to tell them thank you! They are impacting the most important and impressionable people we have in our lives--our children!

It's Been My Pleasure Serving You...

It's my pleasure...

We have a restaurant in Georgia called Chick-fil-a. I'm stating this fact because someone actually asked me what it was when I wrote it in a past posting. If you do not know what it is, I encourage you to stop by one day and try it out! I, personally, can't imagine what someone would do without a Chick-fil-a! It was founded by a man named Truett Cathy on Christian principles. Now, locally, we have chick-fil-as and Truetts. They are both the same concept and the same franchise. I believe one of their "trademarks" is the statement, "It's my pleasure or it's been my pleasure serving you." Their employees respond with this statement consistently. My daughter, LaLa was given one of their "hats" today at the restaurant. For the rest of the day, she would "cook" for me and say, "It was my pleasure, mama" as she would give me the "food".

That statement made me think. What an awesome attitude for a company to have as they "serve" their customers! Hmmm...how often do I say that when I am "serving" my family as wife or mama? Honestly, if I truly thought about it, I probably say that or give off that attitude for strangers and people outside of my family more than for my own little crew! I think a lot of it has to do with 'recognition' of the action or task that you are doing for someone. If I volunteer in the community or at church, I often get sincere appreciation or some acknowledgement that I served. I quickly reply with a genuine attitude of "it's been my pleasure...". However, as a mama, we are rarely acknowledged or appreciated. It can be a job that is often unrecognized and completely thankless at times.

If you are a stay at home mom, a great example of this is the attitude given when people ask your occupation. They will often consider that being a mama is not a job at all or say, "oh, you just stay at home." Control your need to cause them bodily harm. More than likely, they wouldn't be able to walk a day in your shoes. Regardless, if you work or stay at home as a mama, very few people know what all you do and how much you do except for YOU! Although usually as mamas, we find our appreciation in the little things our children do--a hug, a smile, a kind act, or a special drawing. Little ones...and even teenagers.. can rarely verbalize or understand what all you are doing as a mama. One day, when they have kids of their own, they will realize it. That's when you can genuinely reply, "It was my pleasure."

For now, we have a huge responsibility each day as mamas. We are molding and shaping the lives of little people. They need us...even when they think they don't. And, rarely, does the job of mama end when they're 18. It is a job that is never ending and often unappreciated, but it is a job that we should be thankful for and dedicated to. So, when I'm up at three in the morning with one of the girls or shuttling them to an activity or making them a meal, I may not get a thank you, but rather than wait for the acknowledgement and appreciation, I am going to try my best to remember to genuinely say and feel, "It's been my pleasure serving you."

--Thank you Chick-fil-a for setting such an example!

Mama Drama Rule #18- A mama's job is one of complete servitude. Our children are made up of all the small contributions that we invest into them day after day and minute after minute. Make sure they know you enjoy and treasure the job like no other!

I’m Going on a Trip…A Mama Guilt Trip!

Mommy guilt is a serious thing. It’s a trip that every mama goes on from time to time, and once you go there, it is so hard to get back! We have mama guilt for what we do and what we don’t do! My LaLa is so active. It was just us for a couple years so she was the complete focus of my time and energy. She has been involved in so many activities since she was just a couple days old. We did the mommy and me yoga/exercise class when she couldn’t even roll over. She did baby gym classes, mom’s morning out, etc. Now, she is starting preschool, playing soccer, and about to start dance. When she was a baby, she used to play forever in the tub. We did puppet shows and art projects from the time she would focus on an object. I used to read religiously for 20 to 30 minutes a day—the “parent books” told me to!

Then, I had my Little Bit. (This is where people that have more than two children puzzle me…because I’m still figuring out how to juggle two!) Yeah, my sweet Little Bit is lucky if she gets 3 baths a week. As for playing in the tub, she gets to play while I wash her down quickly to get through our bedtime routines. We try to read a quick book from time to time, but she surely does not get that set aside time that LaLa got! Little Bit still seems to be functioning well despite the lack of my fanatical focus on her development. She actually seems to be able to “roll with the punches” a little better than my first child. However, I frequently look back to all that invested interest that I placed in my first child that I cannot seem to find for my second child. I love them both equally and dearly, and they are so precious and different in their own ways. In fact, I often feel just as guilty for not having the same time and energy that I had for LaLa before I had Little Bit.

Once again, I still seem to let myself travel on this trip of mama guilt. Mama friends of mine that work have mama guilt because they have limited time. Mama friends of mine that don’t work have mama guilt because they don’t do as well in all the areas that they envision themselves being supermom in…the wife, the mother, the house cleaner, errands, etc. and they don’t work so they don’t even have an excuse for “not” being able to do it all. This is just the conversation we have in our heads regularly anyway! Regardless, all mamas have mama guilt sometime. These nasty little words cause a trip down paths of all of our worries, regrets, insecurities, and focus on everything we feel we are doing wrong.

Baby Center names the following seven items as the top mommy guilt trips: feeding your baby formula, using the television as a baby sitter, being environmentally unfriendly, feeding your kids junk food, leaving your child with another caregiver, yelling at your kids, and not being able to afford all the extras. I think these are probably just the tip of the iceberg! The more a mama tries to be all to everyone…the more we expect from ourselves and travel on the mommy guilt trip.

I’m trying to zap my mama guilt by attempting to find a place for Little Bit to have some sort of activity. It’s still a huge burden of sorts because it is more to juggle with finances, time, and energy. Perhaps, it’s silly because she would probably be just fine in life if she gets to the age of two without participating in some social development activity. Technically, I am most likely doing it more to subside my mama guilt than for her benefit in the long term of things. Well, if it doesn’t work, then I will just walk around repeating methodically “I will not go on this trip of mommy guilt” until the feeling subsides! I guess I can do that until someone thinks I’m crazy and puts me away for insanity!

Mama Drama Rule #9: It’s easier said than done, but the only way to eliminate mommy guilt is to be aware of it! Accept that you cannot be superwoman, and you actually have limitations! Focus on what is important!

It’s called INCENTIVE…not BRIBERY

My daughter is playing soccer this year at a local church rec. league with 3, 4, and 5 year olds. She is one of the smallest and youngest on the teams. This has been a great opportunity for her because she is so busy and loves being with other kids. However, she is, at times, a little intimidated by the whole concept. Well, I bribed her…I mean provided an incentive...to get her to branch out of her comfort zone. The coach works his hardest to make sure each kid has their “spotlight” moment and even tries to “set” them up to each get a goal sometime in the season. This is something I know she can do. This is something I know she would never forget and be completely BESIDE herself if she accomplished. She just needs a little nudge! That is where the bribery comes into play!

I remember going through education classes and hearing over and over how to effectively use “incentives”. Let me tell you, an incentive is a nice way to say bribery. Yes, either one can be misused, yet used positively, either one can be a great and powerful tool for parents.

I have a friend that had a child way before I had my girls. I remember going shopping with her. She would repeatedly remind her child that if she did well in the store her behavior would be rewarded (AKA she could get a toy or candy). It worked, but I remember thinking…you are so bribing her. Now, with children of my own, I do the same thing more often than not! I prefer to just consider it positive reinforcement for good behavior and good choices through the action of providing incentives! I sound like a good parent and completely like I know what I’m talking about! Honestly, though, it’s just some good ole’ bribery!

If you look up bribery in any parenting book or article, you will find dozens of ways to more effectively parent and to avoid bribery. However, if you look up incentives, you will find the same amount of ways to provide them with your children! They tell us to use incentives (bribery) to potty train, to teach chores, to increase privileges when they show they’re responsible, etc. So, I say, BRIBE those babies loud and clear! You can’t do it all the time or it will lose its power. Although when it’s necessary, it’s necessary!

Think about it…where do you use bribery in your own life? My Little Bit took her first steps to get the Oreo cookie and my cell phone that I was waving in front of her!—sweet bribery! How many things would we do if we didn’t get an “incentive”? Would we take on that extra responsibility at work? Probably not. Our incentive is making more connections, getting noticed, or more money. You know when my house is at its cleanest? When people are coming over! That’s my incentive! Would I have gone through the pain and discomfort of pregnancy and childbirth without an incentive? NOPE! My incentive was my precious babies!

I was reading one article, and it said if you use an incentive out of desperation, it is really bribery. Well, that is when I need it the most! I try to be careful and use bribery or incentives to “sweeten the deal” rather than “control” the behavior. For example, if I don’t speed while I’m driving, I get no speeding tickets and lower my car insurance…good use of bribery. If I get a speeding a ticket and I try to bribe the officer to reduce it, I probably get charged with bribing an officer and still pay my ticket….bad use of bribery. If bribery…or incentives…are used positively and not too often…they can be a great parenting “tool”!

Mama Drama Rule #7: It’s all in perspective. Some of the worst parenting tactics can be considered the best. It’s just all in what you call it and how you use it!

Worriers Anonymous

Hello, I’m Tammy, and I am a worrier. It should be the same as any other addiction group. I would definitely belong to Worrier’s Anonymous. I worry about EVERYTHING. It turns, twists, and tuns through my head constantly. I googled “how to stop worrying” and came up with 3, 150,000 hits. I guess other people should belong too! Unfortunately, I had no luck discovering the 12 step program.

I worry about my children. I worry about the decisions that I make that affect my children. I worry about what I eat, what I say, what I do. Hmm…is there anything else left? Right now, I’m worrying whether my Little Bit is teething, has an ear infection, or has just mastered getting me to run to her and give her a bottle when she wakes up. Have I just helped her create this new bad habit? Yep, worrying. Will my LaLa like her new teacher this year? Is she too young to go to preschool? Should I have kept her home or done a different program? Yep, worrying. Oh, the list just goes on and on. The older they get the more we worry because the less we know…or maybe it’s the less that we can control! I can’t even imagine the teenage years!

Yesterday, Little Bit made this scrunched up face. LaLa turned around to face her and said “oh, baby, are you worried?” Now, where in the world would a 3 year old come up with that? Then, she turned to me and said, “Mama, that’s her worried face.” Yep, you’re right….then, I worried that my kids are picking up on my addiction to worrying. It’s one thing to be the “family” joke that they don’t need to worry because they know I am! It’s another thing for my kids to pick up on my negative attributes!

Of course, it gave me something else to add to the list to worry about! Seriously, what do I accomplish by worrying? Absolutely nothing! I don’t think we realize that our kids pick up on everything—all of our traits both positive and negative! Addictions are known to be hereditary—often passed down from generation to generation. This is one addiction that I don’t want my kids to inherit. I knew I was a worrier…like most people know they are addicted to alcohol, shopping, or food, but I didn’t “claim” it. Now, I probably won’t stop worrying over night, but I am going to try to reduce my worrying to a minimum.

“My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which have never happened” -Michael de Montaigne. This quote is going to my mantra for the next couple days! Most of what I worry about will not be changed by my worrying about it. Psalm 94:19 says, “I was very worried, but you comforted me and made me happy.” Obviously, if someone like David in the Bible was worrying, at least I am in good company! However, when I worry, I am going to be more aware of the worth of worrying and let go of what I cannot change…or control!

What’s your addiction or negative attribute? You don’t even have to look within! Look closely, your kids probably reflect the same “symptoms”. It’s our jobs as mama’s to stop the cycle so they won’t end up as…crazy…as we are!

Mama Drama Rule #6: Our children are some of the best teachers that I have ever had. On most days, they are an open window into my soul. Sometimes what I see makes my heart rejoice. Other times, what I see makes me cringe and strive to be a better person...for their sakes.

Going to share my cute, easy, and inexpensive apron project today! Look for a new posting later today.