I’m Going on a Trip…A Mama Guilt Trip!

Mommy guilt is a serious thing. It’s a trip that every mama goes on from time to time, and once you go there, it is so hard to get back! We have mama guilt for what we do and what we don’t do! My LaLa is so active. It was just us for a couple years so she was the complete focus of my time and energy. She has been involved in so many activities since she was just a couple days old. We did the mommy and me yoga/exercise class when she couldn’t even roll over. She did baby gym classes, mom’s morning out, etc. Now, she is starting preschool, playing soccer, and about to start dance. When she was a baby, she used to play forever in the tub. We did puppet shows and art projects from the time she would focus on an object. I used to read religiously for 20 to 30 minutes a day—the “parent books” told me to!

Then, I had my Little Bit. (This is where people that have more than two children puzzle me…because I’m still figuring out how to juggle two!) Yeah, my sweet Little Bit is lucky if she gets 3 baths a week. As for playing in the tub, she gets to play while I wash her down quickly to get through our bedtime routines. We try to read a quick book from time to time, but she surely does not get that set aside time that LaLa got! Little Bit still seems to be functioning well despite the lack of my fanatical focus on her development. She actually seems to be able to “roll with the punches” a little better than my first child. However, I frequently look back to all that invested interest that I placed in my first child that I cannot seem to find for my second child. I love them both equally and dearly, and they are so precious and different in their own ways. In fact, I often feel just as guilty for not having the same time and energy that I had for LaLa before I had Little Bit.

Once again, I still seem to let myself travel on this trip of mama guilt. Mama friends of mine that work have mama guilt because they have limited time. Mama friends of mine that don’t work have mama guilt because they don’t do as well in all the areas that they envision themselves being supermom in…the wife, the mother, the house cleaner, errands, etc. and they don’t work so they don’t even have an excuse for “not” being able to do it all. This is just the conversation we have in our heads regularly anyway! Regardless, all mamas have mama guilt sometime. These nasty little words cause a trip down paths of all of our worries, regrets, insecurities, and focus on everything we feel we are doing wrong.

Baby Center names the following seven items as the top mommy guilt trips: feeding your baby formula, using the television as a baby sitter, being environmentally unfriendly, feeding your kids junk food, leaving your child with another caregiver, yelling at your kids, and not being able to afford all the extras. I think these are probably just the tip of the iceberg! The more a mama tries to be all to everyone…the more we expect from ourselves and travel on the mommy guilt trip.

I’m trying to zap my mama guilt by attempting to find a place for Little Bit to have some sort of activity. It’s still a huge burden of sorts because it is more to juggle with finances, time, and energy. Perhaps, it’s silly because she would probably be just fine in life if she gets to the age of two without participating in some social development activity. Technically, I am most likely doing it more to subside my mama guilt than for her benefit in the long term of things. Well, if it doesn’t work, then I will just walk around repeating methodically “I will not go on this trip of mommy guilt” until the feeling subsides! I guess I can do that until someone thinks I’m crazy and puts me away for insanity!

Mama Drama Rule #9: It’s easier said than done, but the only way to eliminate mommy guilt is to be aware of it! Accept that you cannot be superwoman, and you actually have limitations! Focus on what is important!