Thoughts on Friends...

I snapped this picture of "30" confetti at my birthday party.

 Maybe turning 30 has me becoming reflective...

I overheard one of my friends telling another friend about my blog. She said, "Yeah and it sounds just like her. Sometimes, I read it really fast so it's like she is talking." That made me laugh. Isn't it funny how your friends know you better than you know yourself sometimes. They see the good, the bad, and the ugly, yet they still choose to be your friends. It is like seeing a reflection of yourself in your friends. I have had great friends all my life. Most of my friends have come and gone through different seasons or times of my lives, but they made a great impact on who I am.

One friend in particular, I have been friends with since we started school in kindergarten. However, we moved and changed schools and our paths went different directions. Our paths have crossed here and there, and I am still blessed to call her my friend 25 years later. She always remembers my birthday. Now, for someone like me that often forgets dates, this amazes me. We may not talk or see each other for an entire year, yet she will still track me down and wish me happy birthday. That is a friend. I think that early friendship is how I based all my future friendships. It was a pretty high standard. It is someone that you can grow and change and not be concerned that they won't accept or understand. You may be at different seasons in your life, but that person is your friend still. Years can go by, but you run into each other and instantly reconnect like you spoke just the other day.

I realized early that girlfriends can be trouble. They can be high maintenance. They can involve drama, drama, drama. I had a lot of friends growing up, but I was always very leary and careful of getting too involved. Of course, there was still drama, but I seemed to stick to being friends with the boys more than the girls. I think that having friends that were boys helped me to understand more about what's important in life. Boys don't waste time with drama (for the most part), and they were honest with their friends with little to no expectations. I look at my daughters and hope they find friends, both boys and girls, like that in life.

In college, I randomly met this girl (very, very randomly). That same night I asked her if she wanted to move in with me in the dorms. She didn't like where she lived, and I didn't have a roommate yet. Now, if you know me, you would know that I don't do stuff like that. I would have probably created a chart and evaluated over and over if I should ask her. For this moment though, I was out of character and just asked. It was one of the best things that I have ever, ever done. I think it was one of those instances where God just took over my brain because my brain would have messed it all up. We have been friends ever since. She is truly my other brain. She understands and puts up with me when most (yes, even my husband) would not. She would go across the world and fight til the death for me (as I for her). It's just something you know about someone. You know when people say, "I've got your back." That is the way she is. It doesn't matter what I have gone through or what is in my future...I know she's "got my back". We have lived a couple hours apart for the last few years, but I still talk to her more than anyone else in my life. It may be just a few minutes between kids crying or interrupting or in the grocery store, but it still feels like she is right here with me. It's amazing to me that we have been able to keep such close contact after living so far for so long, but it just works for us. She is someone that I can be totally and completely real with. I don't worry about feelings getting hurt or what's right or wrong. In the words of Jerry Maguire, "she completes me." hee hee

Since our friendship, I have been blessed to meet friends that she knew that took me in as if they had known me all my life. They have become both inspiration, laughter, and support so many times in my life. We have watched each other grow and change from season to season only to realize that being a part of each others lives make it all so much more exciting and interesting.

After college, I was quite overwhelmed with life, I graduated really early from college. I started getting my masters, living alone from friends, and working full time all at once while all my friends were still in college. By the way, don't rush college if you don't have to. I still don't know what I was thinking. I prayed for a friend like the ones I was missing so much! God answered my prayer and sent me a friend I met in my Masters class. She was a friend that I could even do group work with! I hated...and still hate group work! I have control issues, and most people have no problem letting other people do all the work and taking credit. Well, this friend had similiar weird issues like myself. We instantly became partners in various projects. She is someone that is a lot like me and so different. She constantly amazes me. She is someone you genuinely enjoy spending time with. She works so hard, loves my girls, and goes out of her way to make people feel special.

After I got married, I came to a crossroad again in my life. Do you notice that my friends co-inside with big events in my world? My husband and I had different groups of friends. We really wanted "couple" friends. I met this girl that was student teaching, and we realized how much we had in common. I actually remember that she let everyone call her a different name than what she actually goes by because she didn't want to offend anyone. I called her the name when we were out one day, and she said I don't actually go by that name. It caused serious confusion when I started calling her the name she goes by and everyone else continued calling her the given name. It would be like my brother's name is James, but we call him Jimmy. He's never been called James...just Jimmy. I think for a few weeks no one knew what her name was! It's funny because we have grown up in the same area all of our lives. Our paths have probably crossed or just about crossed many times, but we never remember meeting until this point.

Our husbands became instant friends probably before we did. We became "newlywed" friends together. I look back and so many great memories I have are with all four of us. I think my husband and I grew closer by having good friends to spend time with. My husband always says that this friend and I are so much alike sometimes that it's scary. We have a lot of different qualities, but I think we have quite a few similarities. Our paths are ones that have crissed and crossed as our lives have changed, but we seem to instantly reconnect when we are back together.

The last friend that comes to mind has been in my life for just four years, but I call her my "God-given" friend. I had just quit working, finished my doctorate, and had LaLa. My days that used to be full of preparing for classes, intriguing discussions at classes, working with students, planning lessons, and leisurely living my life were now overwhelmed with a sense of boredom despite the hundreds of mindless tasks that consumed my day, a collicky baby that I could not figure out how to soothe, and a feeling of abandonment and not fitting in with my friends. They were all busy and living, and I was here trying to survive the changes and this little bundle of joy that I couldn't figure out! I prayed and prayed for weeks, then months, for a friend that was where I was. A friend that would understand and be in the same season of her life. When LaLa was eight months old, we hosted a party for our Sunday School class. A girl left her crockpot at my house, and we began talking by email. We have been friends ever since. It was so obvious that she was exactly what God wanted me to have. Yeah, it took eight months. I thought God was telling me I was just out of luck, but He answered the prayer in His own time. She had just quit working as a teacher and was staying home with her daughter as well. We now have two daughters each within months of each other. Our husbands also became fast friends. She is my rock and my encourager...someone you can always count on. I continue to learn so much from her.


When I pray and think of what kind of friends I want for my girls, qualities of my 'forever' friends often come to mind. Michael W. Smith says...Friends are Friends Forever...in one of his songs. I am blessed to have and truly understand what a "forever" friend is. You know what else...only one...maybe two of my friends even read this....so I could've said anything about them and completely gotten away with it! That's how you know I meant it all!

What kind of qualities mean the most to you in your "forever" friends? What kind of friends do you want for your kids? It really makes you think how important friendship is!