It’s called INCENTIVE…not BRIBERY

My daughter is playing soccer this year at a local church rec. league with 3, 4, and 5 year olds. She is one of the smallest and youngest on the teams. This has been a great opportunity for her because she is so busy and loves being with other kids. However, she is, at times, a little intimidated by the whole concept. Well, I bribed her…I mean provided an incentive...to get her to branch out of her comfort zone. The coach works his hardest to make sure each kid has their “spotlight” moment and even tries to “set” them up to each get a goal sometime in the season. This is something I know she can do. This is something I know she would never forget and be completely BESIDE herself if she accomplished. She just needs a little nudge! That is where the bribery comes into play!

I remember going through education classes and hearing over and over how to effectively use “incentives”. Let me tell you, an incentive is a nice way to say bribery. Yes, either one can be misused, yet used positively, either one can be a great and powerful tool for parents.

I have a friend that had a child way before I had my girls. I remember going shopping with her. She would repeatedly remind her child that if she did well in the store her behavior would be rewarded (AKA she could get a toy or candy). It worked, but I remember thinking…you are so bribing her. Now, with children of my own, I do the same thing more often than not! I prefer to just consider it positive reinforcement for good behavior and good choices through the action of providing incentives! I sound like a good parent and completely like I know what I’m talking about! Honestly, though, it’s just some good ole’ bribery!

If you look up bribery in any parenting book or article, you will find dozens of ways to more effectively parent and to avoid bribery. However, if you look up incentives, you will find the same amount of ways to provide them with your children! They tell us to use incentives (bribery) to potty train, to teach chores, to increase privileges when they show they’re responsible, etc. So, I say, BRIBE those babies loud and clear! You can’t do it all the time or it will lose its power. Although when it’s necessary, it’s necessary!

Think about it…where do you use bribery in your own life? My Little Bit took her first steps to get the Oreo cookie and my cell phone that I was waving in front of her!—sweet bribery! How many things would we do if we didn’t get an “incentive”? Would we take on that extra responsibility at work? Probably not. Our incentive is making more connections, getting noticed, or more money. You know when my house is at its cleanest? When people are coming over! That’s my incentive! Would I have gone through the pain and discomfort of pregnancy and childbirth without an incentive? NOPE! My incentive was my precious babies!

I was reading one article, and it said if you use an incentive out of desperation, it is really bribery. Well, that is when I need it the most! I try to be careful and use bribery or incentives to “sweeten the deal” rather than “control” the behavior. For example, if I don’t speed while I’m driving, I get no speeding tickets and lower my car insurance…good use of bribery. If I get a speeding a ticket and I try to bribe the officer to reduce it, I probably get charged with bribing an officer and still pay my ticket….bad use of bribery. If bribery…or incentives…are used positively and not too often…they can be a great parenting “tool”!

Mama Drama Rule #7: It’s all in perspective. Some of the worst parenting tactics can be considered the best. It’s just all in what you call it and how you use it!